So, yeah… this new not-normal is starting to become normal. I don’t like it.
I’ve started reading. It’s bad when I start reading — as in, I know I really need to relax when I am able to focus on a book without trying to “be productive.” So I’ve been re-reading a Tom Robbins book that I haven’t read for years. I was struck by this passages, which is very relevant:
All depression has roots in self-pity, and self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously. […] The key here is roots, the roots of depression. [A slip into rage and self-pity], which, if indulged, can fester into bouts of depression.
… Depression can become a habit, which, in turn, can produce a neurologival imprint. […] Gradually, our brain chemistry becomes conditioned to react to negative stimuli in a particular, predictable way. One thing will go wrong and it’ll automatically switch on its blender and mix us that black cocktail, the ol’ doomsday daiquiri, and before we know it, we’re soused to the gills from the inside out. Once depression has become electromagnetically integrated, it can be extremely difficult to philosophically or psychologically override it, by then its playing to physical rules, a whole different ball game.
— Maestra, a Tom Robbins character from Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates
Its that last part that interested me, particularly because Beth was saying the other day that her depression seems to be back due to her not leaving the house. A physical sign of not leaving the house is making her brain think, ”Oh, I must be really depressed. We haven’t left the house in days, nevermind worn real cloths.” The tail is wagging the dog.
And I feel it as well. Thank goodness it is getting warmer and more and more like spring every day. Thursday, Friday, and half of Saturday was cold and gray last week — rainy and raw. It was awful. Even though it was still chilly, with the sun on Saturday I started to feel more normal. And Sunday and today we’re much better. People are out on “quarantine walks” daily, and I get it. I understand why. It’s something more normal. It’s out of the house. It’s seeing people while maintaining distance.
It’s still strange that the streets are so empty. That some people are walking around with face masks or scarves across that mouth, but not for warmth. Its odd when you see them cross the street (a four year old makes it hard for me to cross the street often).
We ordered a family set of face masks from Rhonda (Figs and Ginger). The state and CDC have recommended wearing them outside and in public places — the few public places that we can go. At least we’ll match, but I think it might freak the girls out to wear them.
I can’t wait for normal. Easter is next week — yesterday was Palm Sunday. This will be the strangest Easter yet.