To be a small thing bobbing in the Ocean

I am so damn lucky to live in New England, in the Ocean State, close to the Atlantic. Could I be in Hawaii or some warmer clime that also has ocean access? Sure, but I would likely have the same problems I have now.

My problem is that while the nicest beaches that RI has to offer are at most 60 minutes away when traffic is bad, I do not go as often as that would imply. As with most things, when they are easy to come by, their perceived value is low. So this quick little article is a reminder to myself, or anyone else who feels the same — get out there and touch grass, feel the sand, and float in the ocean.

There is something about it that is difficult to describe. It goes beyond the sun and the smell and the sound of it all. Its makes the experience of driving and parking and carrying all your things and finding a decent spot to plunk down all worth it.

When you look away from the shore and out to the horizon, and no other person is in your view, maybe not even another boat — its the sensation of being small and insignificant and yet a part of something larger that lives and breathes. Of feeling both things at once, the significance of my place in a larger concept that also makes me feel insignificant as a singular human.

Its a feeling of connectedness and loneliness at the same time. Its a feeling of awe and reverence. The power of the ocean and also the tiny creatures that it supports. And then me.

When you float long enough, gently kicking and waving your arms to remain afloat, the sensations of it all start to fade away. When the temperature of the water and body meet, the ocean stops feeling like it is outside yourself. You feel it inside you, and you feel inside of it.

I’m not doing the feeling justice. But it feels like it has become my therapy.

At one point this summer, a few days after a hurricane had passed by, I had a less relaxing yet very much awe-inspiring experience. The waves tossed me about, scared me a little, made me humble. They beat me up and pushed me around. It made me a little giddy and childlike to have that feeling. And to remember the previous trips when the sensations were calmer and therapeutic in a relaxing way.

I enjoyed the contrast. I enjoyed the awe of its power as well as its sheer size and depth. There is much to enjoy about the ocean when you are in the mindset for it.

And I need to remember to do it more.